Appearances and Other Deceits
by Bedlams Bard
Summary: Post 310 story of lust, loss and love. R&H Chapter three up!
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Appearances and Other Deceits

**Rating:** T

**Summary:** Post 310 story of lust, loss and love. (R/H)

**Author's Note:** This, as much as it pain's me to say it, is a work-in-progress. My thanks goes to two crazy chicks; Hal for beta reading this fic and to Hestia for first inspiring it.

The doubts kicked in roughly five minutes after climbing into the taxi, and the desire to turn the cab around started three streets away from her destination. So, by the time that Ruth pulled up in front of the all too perfect suburban house, she was a nervous wreck and wishing like hell she'd had two glasses of wine whilst getting ready instead of her sensible one.

The events that led up to her agreeing to go to the party had been many months in the making, though she quickly realised the key factor was the simple fact she'd ran out of excuses. Short of breaking both of her legs herself, this on reflection didn't seem like such a stupid idea; she really had no way out of it. She'd loitered overly long on the grid in the vague hope that some emergency would provide her with a legitimate excuse at the very last minute. She'd waited for as long as she could until it became painfully clear sod's law had kicked in. On the one night she needed a national crisis, there wasn't going to be one. Even the terrorists were conspiring against her.

Drawing a shaky breath, Ruth passed the driver a couple of notes. Not waiting for change, she jumped out of the taxi before she changed her mind. Standing in the drive and looking at the front door beyond the trimmed little garden, she reconciled herself to the fact it was time to bite the bullet. After all, hailing another taxi and running home to a cold house and a hungry cat seemed a bit of a cop out after getting dressed up.

Suzanne and Ruth had met back at GCHQ. Both Suzanne and her husband Mark had worked in the same department as Ruth, and they'd all become fairly good friends. Back in the days when Ruth had had at least a semblance of a life outside of work that is. Suzanne regularly threw dinner parties for her friends, little social gatherings filled mostly with married couples who loved nothing better than swapping stories about their kids. Suzanne also had the terrible habit of trying to match Ruth off with any and all single men that happened to be at the party.

She'd stopped going to the things months ago.

But then three months ago everything had changed. For the first time in her fairly solitary existence, Ruth had felt alone. Truly alone. That was the real reason she finally agreed to tag along to one of Suzanne's dinner parties, because she didn't want to be left alone. The lack of excuses had just sped up the process.

Ringing the bell, Ruth looked down to do one final check of her outfit. She hated these things, always worrying she'd be under-dressed, or even worse, overdressed for the occasion. Her dark blue dress was flattering and her shoes had a modest heel that gave her just enough extra height. Fingers crossed and hidden beneath her purse, Ruth waited for the slow social torture to get underway.

* * *

"Oh, and over there, that's David. Be sure to say hello! I've told him all about you. Well... you know what I mean." Suzanne said with a smile, her arm wrapped comfortingly around Ruth's shoulders as she guided her through the party to the kitchen. "Mark's getting drinks. I'm sure he'll keep an eye on you for a minute."

Ruth nodded and watched as Suzanne slipped away through the gathering to mingle some more. Mark looked up as she entered the spacious pine kitchen, took one look at her and grinned.

"She at it all ready?" He asked, still grinning as he handed Ruth a glass of wine.

"I think she's pointed out every single man in the locality." Ruth said sipping the wine gratefully, "Never mind. How are you? It's been too long."

"I'm well. Stuck with playing the dutiful host at the moment but at least it keeps me out of trouble. Still, I think I can take a break, keep you company for a bit."

"Excellent. You can fend off the hordes of bachelors that Suzanne's been handing my dating CV out to."

They both laughed and Ruth began to relax a little. It did feel good to be out and amongst different people again. For three months she'd felt like she'd been walking around in molasses. Between home and work and home again. More out of habit than anything else. She'd just carried on. They'd all been given two weeks off to help come to terms with the turmoil that had ripped through their department. Since going back none of them had said a word about it. They'd just carried on, taking each crisis as it came and then rushing off to deal with the next one. Yes, it felt good to laugh and joke again. To be with people that weren't emotionally scared and carrying around a chip on their shoulder as big as hers.

"Come on," Mark said as he saw her features drawing tight, "Let's mingle. Then we can make fun of them behind their backs afterwards."

"Sounds like a plan, Batman." Ruth said, grateful Mark was taking the time to be with her, and grateful she had a friend who wasn't scared to tell her to cheer up when she needed it.

They wandered around the house talking to various people. Some she knew, others were strangers that knew Suzanne and Mark through their kids or for some other homely, _normal_ reason. To everyone there her name was Rachel and she was some sort of PA, shuffling paper and writing schedules in an office somewhere in the city.

Mark pulled faces when they weren't looking and Ruth stifled laughs. It wasn't long before she relaxed and was even glad that she'd finally agreed to go along. After walking away from one particularly boring couple they both fell into fits of laughter and got refills for their drinks.

"The man's voice!"

"You mean the monotone drawl?" Ruth said, and watched Mark dissolve into laughter. "I thought he'd never shut up. Do you think he knows he's the most boring man on earth?"

"And her!" Mark said handing Ruth back her glass, "Did you see the way she kept stroking my arm? He must be pretty dull in every department!"

It was Ruth's turn to laugh and they both headed for the door. This time they headed away from the main party. Someone had put on some cheesy music and a few people were even dancing so there wasn't much chance of doing much talking in the front room. Instead they headed to the conservatory at the back of the house. It was a warm evening, one of the first of spring just beginning to settle in.

There were a few people out there, sat on the cushioned wicker chairs and talking about mundane things. Standing in the doorway, Mark glanced around the room and murmured to Ruth, "I don't know anyone out here very well, so, your turn to pick the quarry."

Ruth smiled into her glass and took a closer look at the faces of the people in the room. To the left were two couples, the women in floral Laura Ashley dresses and the men in blue suits with ties that matched their wives dresses. They looked like they were deep in conversation and Ruth had no desire to be looked at like that crazy single friend that needed to be pitied. Dead ahead were two bankers, smoking and talking about numbers. A possibility, Ruth mused; the one on the left was fairly good looking and didn't have a ring on his finger. The third and final option was a small group of people to the right, sat drinking on the patio lit by candle light.

"That way." Ruth said, pointing to them.

Outside Mark smiled and introduced her to the people he knew. One of the women smiled and filled in the rest; Lucy, a pretty younger woman; Sarah one of Suzanne's friends; David and John, who were sat on the end drinking scotch.

Ruth said hello to each of them in turn. It wasn't until she looked to David and John that she saw _him_ staring at her. Her stomach tied itself in a knot as she smiled thinly and looked away hurriedly. John wasn't John at all but Harry.


	2. Chapter 2

**Appearances and Other Deceits Pt II**

**A/N:** Continuation of the story thus far, taking place almost instantly after the first chapter. Reviews, criticisms and accolades (smirk) most welcome.

Harry continued to make idle chit chat with some of the others on the table but was unable to keep his gaze from drifting over to Ruth every couple of minutes. She looked fantastic and try as he might no super spy training could keep his eyes off of her. It wasn't even as though he hadn't seen her in a dress before. Somehow though those rare work occasions that called for them all to be dragged along to those black tie nightmares just couldn't compare. They had been for work, dressy occasions that almost always turned out to be inevitably dull.

Here, now, she looked radiant. Amongst people he could only assume were her friends she appeared utterly relaxed and happy. It was a relief to see her joking and laughing with them over banal things. A knot of worry he hadn't realised he'd been carrying around suddenly eased. It was a tension that he'd been carrying around ever since Danny's death and now all at once it was gone. He knew now that she'd be all right, that she already was all right. He'd been worrying without even realising it all this time.

Their eyes met across the table for a moment before she turned back to talk to the host. Harry wracked his mind for all the details he knew about the Legend she was using, not that he was supposed to know anything about her. But the surprise of seeing her there in the first place had been enough to make him long for an utterly uneventful rest of the evening.

Truth be told she'd looked as shocked as he'd felt.

Standing there, her arm looped through the host's, and staring wide eyed at him across the table. But she covered it well, smiling thinly and turning back to joke with her friend. Her glances gave her away though. The way her gaze kept finding its way back to him across the table. She wanted to know what he was doing there and the sudden thought that she might think he was spying on her was a worrying one.

Dave and he talked about inconsequential things. He sipped his scotch. He chatted to a couple of the others. Passed the time and all the while caught unobtrusive glimpses of what Ruth was doing and worried about what she thought. But she seemed so happy here that he was actually glad to see her even though he couldn't really say anything.

Suddenly the decision was made. He needed another drink. A strong one if he was to survive the evening and keep up the pretence. Standing he picked up his glass, asked if anyone else wanted a refill and headed off to find the kitchen.

* * *

Standing with one shoulder against the door frame Ruth watched as Harry moved awkwardly about the kitchen. It was painfully obvious that he didn't have a clue where anything was, which told her he hadn't been to the house often before. Shifting slightly to her other foot she wondered if she should say anything. The temptation was there to leave him hanging, guessing at what she thought of the whole situation. From the way he'd been discreetly watching her earlier she'd guessed he'd been trying to gauge her reaction to the whole thing. But there had been something else there was well, something that made her smile.

"They're friends of David's wife."

"Oh." Ruth answered, looking up to see Harry watching her from where he stood on the opposite side of the kitchen counter.

"She couldn't make it and I was drafted in for moral support. I'm told I need only stay for an hour or so." Harry explained with a wan smile. "So, _Rachel_, do you come here often?"

Ruth smiled at the cliché and shrugged. "Not as often as I'd like, _John_. My boss keeps me fairly busy. Work always has to come first."

"He sounds like quite the slave driver."

"He has his good points."

"Really?" Harry grinned. "And what might those be?"

"Well," Ruth began. She shifted uncomfortably, embarrassed and unsure of what to say now she'd gotten herself into trouble. Emboldened by the wine she pushed on. "He paces. But only in a good way."

Harry chuckled and with a rueful shake of his head commented, "I didn't know there was a good way to pace. You'll have to show me how it's done sometime. For now though, can I get you another drink? If I can ever find the drink that is."

Taking pity on him, and smiling all the while, Ruth stepped in to lend a hand. She stepped around him and opened up the cupboard where the clean glasses were kept pulling out a fresh glass for them both. The ice was in the sink being used up faster than it could melt so she scooped up some for his scotch and set about finding some bottles that hadn't been drained already. When she turned around Harry was smiling, a half-full bottle of red wine in hand and looking pleased with himself.

"Well done." Ruth said as she claimed the wine from him, "There should be a bottle of scotch in the cupboard there. I can't promise it'll be the best stuff in the world mind."

"This one?" Harry asked as he opened a cupboard not to find drink but rows of cans of beans and Fimble shaped pasta.

Ruth laughed and shook her head, reaching across him to the next cupboard along. "No, this one." It was only after she'd actually opened the cupboard that she caught the predicament she was in. Stretched out, one hand resting on the countertop and the other holding open the cupboard door, she was close enough to feel the material of his jacket scratch against her dress. Her gaze drifted down to rest somewhere at the base of his throat, unable to look up and catch his eye.

Neither one of them moved. Harry's hand was resting on the counter a hair's breadth away from her own. Her skin crawled, the feel of his fingers so close yet not touching making her itch to close the gap, straining without moving. Ruth fought down a shiver of excitement and a blush that threatened to overwhelm her. She'd almost put it out of mind completely, this thing that lay between them. With all that had happened over the last few months it'd been easy to push it far, far out of mind. And where she had not been at work Harry had been far out of sight as well.

But now, standing so close it was impossible to push her feelings aside. She was sure he felt it also. The electricity, the heat that seemed to pass almost physically between them whenever they were alone together. It was such a bad idea though, he was her boss and there was a line that really shouldn't be crossed.

Clearing his throat it was Harry that broke the silence. "Perhaps we should pour that drink?" Still he didn't move though. Not that he could, with his back to the counter and Ruth stood right in front of him there was no where to go without physically moving Ruth out of the way. It was at that point that she jumped back as though she'd been bitten.

Her cheeks felt unnaturally hot as Ruth braved a glance at Harry to see him watching her still. His gaze was dark and heavy. Her heart thudded heavily in her chest to see it. With a weak smile she nodded and fumbled at the counter to find the glasses.

But then all thought was thrust aside again as Harry stepped up behind her and murmured in her ear. "Let's go find a quite corner and get very drunk." And then he was gone. Walking back toward the garden with a half empty bottle of wine in one hand and a bottle of cheap scotch in the other.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: It took a while, so sorry about that. It's shorter than the other couple of chapters, but I'm hoping the next one will make up for that :) Also, thank you to all the people that have left reviews -you know who you are - I truly couldn't of done any of this without your kind feedback!

**Appearances and Other Deceits: Chapter III**

Their laughter was raucous. Ringing out across the garden in unguarded merriment and making the last few stragglers on the patio turn around and stare in surprise. At any other time Harry would have been bothered by that. After years in the service he drew ambiguity about himself like a well loved overcoat. The thought of drawing unwanted attention makes him a little uncomfortable, but then he turns to look at the woman at his side and his hesitations are thrown to the wind.

They'd found a bench at the end of the garden to sit and share their drinks. To begin things had been awkward. They'd passed the time politely enough. The weather, the party, what they'd been doing with their time. Then the conversation had drifted round to slightly more personal things, but stuck with the safe subjects. Favourite movies and what they liked to watch on TV.

Now, now he wasn't even sure what they were talking about. But he knew that Ruth couldn't hold her drink and that the hour was getting late. Most people had already left the party, but they were far from being the last. The time was getting nearer though when they would seriously need to think about leaving.

"We should call a cab." Harry said, voicing his thoughts aloud for the first time.

"I have special cabs." Ruth declared with a vacant grin.

"Special. Cabs." He repeated as he looked at her askance. "We _really_ need to get you home."

"Time to go!" Ruth said boldly as she leapt to her feet and tripped over her own handbag. She landed in Harry's lap with a peel of laughter, leaning back into his chest and throwing an arm around his neck. He held on like a man grasping a life line, slipping slightly on the bench so they both ended up sitting at an angle.

It was insane. He knew it was insane, but still he didn't move immediately. It was as though he were rooted to the spot whilst his heart ran a marathon. Ruth giggled, she actually giggled, and smiled at him with an exclamation of oops! Harry smiled back despite himself and tried to sweep his thoughts aside. It was unnerving. The power she seemed to hold over him almost unconsciously was frightening in its intensity. Right there and then he could not think of a single thing he wouldn't do for her.

Caressing her cheek with the back of his hand, Harry realised it would be so very easy. All he need do was lean in. They would kiss and put an end to longing that had plagued him for months. No more wondering. No more speculation as to what could be. The look she gave him was so frank and appraising, void of all the small deceits they were forced to put up every day that he was completely and utterly taken aback. Then his mind was made up. Deep in his gut he knew that there would be a better time. Somewhere else where they weren't Rachel and John, two inebriated strangers at the bottom of a garden.

"Let's go?" Harry asked as he guided Ruth off of his lap and held her steady on his arm.

* * *

The rumble of the taxi was soothing in its repetitiveness. They sat side by side on the back seat, Harry's arm wound about her shoulders as she rested her head on his. At some point Ruth had slipped her arm beneath his jacket and now she marvelled at his warmth. The drink was just starting to wear off, leaving behind a warm sleepiness instead.

The fact that Harry had a very comfortable shoulder didn't help matters. As she thought such things Ruth knew she was drunk and she really didn't care because she was happy. Partially because Harry really did have a comfortable shoulder to lean on and he was warm beneath his jacket where she now had both arms wrapped around his waist. They sat in silence, Ruth content with her drunken, slightly sluggish thoughts. It was an easy, relaxed silence that Ruth felt no need to fill with talk. This was odd, because normally she felt compelled to try and fill any silence around Harry with talk. Any talk. It was the kind of thing that had got her into trouble all the time at work.

It was hard to say what made things different now and she really wasn't in the mood to analyse things too deeply. That's all she ever did. Look for the truths behind the lies, or more often than not just the truer lies behind the great big fat whoppers of lies. Early on in the evening she'd decided that this was one of the things that she wasn't going to analyse and debate over. With Harry she was going on pure instinct.

Which was difficult because Harry was very hard to read. Or at least he _was_ very hard to read. Ruth wasn't certain whether it was getting easier to read his expressions or whether she was just making assumptions regardless. She smiled as she realised that she really didn't care about that either. She was having fun.

"Come on," Harry said as he disentangled himself from her, "We're here."

Ruth hadn't even noticed, but she was disappointed.

Stepping out of the cab and looking up at her house though she cheered up a little. After all, the night was still young and they were getting along fine. It took a little while to find her door keys, but that gave Harry a chance to sort out the taxi fare. As the door swung open Ruth turned to face Harry as he walked up the path to meet her on the step.

"Coffee?"


End file.
